So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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