textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We had to coat check the pizza.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
