I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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