I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i out mim tonsoeep
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