Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
