this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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