She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
