were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
