his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
