i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
