An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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