I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize