I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize