Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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