Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
