I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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