Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
