good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
