I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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