Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize