haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
