you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
