Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My liver just broke up with me...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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