She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
