textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize