Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
