If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We got so high we made milksteak
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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