If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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