did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
