I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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