I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
