found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
