please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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