Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
