i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
