im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
