you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
