That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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