she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
