Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
