did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
