do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
