i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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