i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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