Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
