When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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