so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize