i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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