Small penises have feelings too.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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