Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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