omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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