Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You're like the curious george of whores
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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