There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
