I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
