70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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