i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I party with great urgency now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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