Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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