There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
