I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
