I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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