Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
