Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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