I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
