when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
