1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
