The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
