he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm getting married
To pizza
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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