I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize