After last night, I could never be a politician.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
